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[Crow caws]
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Synced and corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
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How's your spaghetti?
4
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Good. How's yours?
5
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It's good.
6
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Brick! How's yours?
7
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Good!
8
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[Vehicle approaches]
9
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Dad! Code blue! There's a truck!
10
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False alarm. just movers.
11
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Frankie: After the basement flooded,
Mike jerry-rigged the pipes,
12
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but we needed a professional
to come and look at it.
13
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We were looking for
a plumber off the clock...
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someone who'd fix it for
20 bucks and a case of beer.
15
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Dad, this is not a drill!
There's a van coming this way!
16
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It's a plumber! It's a plumber!
17
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You're sure?
18
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It has a picture of a dripping faucet
19
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and a self-effacing cartoon of a man
20
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with his pants pulled down
just enough to show crack.
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Bingo! We have plumber!
22
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He's coming from the Norwoods' driveway.
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He's going fast! Hurry!
24
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Stall him!
25
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26
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[Tires screech]
27
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Hi. Mike Heck.
28
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You know we only got seven more
months of community service?
29
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I'm actually gonna miss this.
30
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Okay. Ugh. It's your turn
to do the udder.
31
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I did the udder last time.
32
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Fine. Then you do the butt.
33
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So...
34
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hard to believe you're gonna be
done with college soon.
35
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I bet there's things you want to do
36
00:01:30,634 --> 00:01:32,034
that you didn't even get to.
37
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[Sighs] Never Saran Wrapped
someone's room.
38
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Anything else?
39
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Eh, never tied someone up
and left them in an elevator.
40
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That's a felony.
41
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Anything else?
42
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Like maybe inviting
your brother up to campus
43
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for a weekend of fun,
like you said you were gonna do
44
00:01:46,122 --> 00:01:47,822
for the past four years but never did?
45
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That's not true! You came to visit.
46
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Once. And it was to help you study.
47
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We didn't have fun.
48
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Well, we're having fun
right now, little buddy.
49
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Court-mandated fun!
50
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Come on, Axl.
51
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Look, no offense... I just don't want
52
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,346
to be hanging around with a 12-year-old.
53
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,269
I'm 15.
54
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What?! Really?
55
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Okay, fine. You can come hang.
56
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:07,219
We need tiny hands
to feel inside the walls
57
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and find out
what's running around in there.
58
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59
00:02:10,814 --> 00:02:12,146
[Groans]
60
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[Knock on door]
61
00:02:16,786 --> 00:02:18,086
Oh, hey, Bill. How you doing?
62
00:02:18,154 --> 00:02:20,455
Good. I'm good. I'm doing good.
63
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Good.
64
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Yeah. So, um,
just talked to Ron Donahue.
65
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He said, uh, he saw my plumber
going into your house?
66
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Oh. Yeah. Remember that pipe
busted a month ago?
67
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It was still giving me trouble,
but Herb fixed it up great.
68
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Oh. Okay.
69
00:02:34,804 --> 00:02:37,171
So you made an appointment
with Herb, and then he came out?
70
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,940
No... I saw him leaving your house,
71
00:02:39,042 --> 00:02:40,441
and I just flagged him down.
72
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That the way you hire people
now, Mike? You flag 'em down?
73
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Well, he was done at your house.
74
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- You poached my plumber!
- Aw, come on!
75
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Come on, where? Where?
76
00:02:47,650 --> 00:02:49,829
To a place where it's okay to
poach other people's plumbers?
77
00:02:49,853 --> 00:02:51,252
Look, he was off the clock.
78
00:02:51,354 --> 00:02:52,987
There's a way to do things, Mike.
79
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You look at the magnet on the fridge,
80
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and you call the plumber.
81
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That's it. That's why
they give you the magnet.
82
00:02:58,495 --> 00:03:00,072
Not so you can hold up
your kids' artwork.
83
00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:01,607
They don't care about
your kids' artwork!
84
00:03:01,631 --> 00:03:03,931
I think you're overreacting.
85
00:03:04,034 --> 00:03:06,012
Did you pay him the $80
service fee to come out here?
86
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No. He was already here.
87
00:03:07,337 --> 00:03:09,303
Yeah... 'cause I already paid
the 80 bucks!
88
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Okay, look, you know
things have been tight lately.
89
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I had a bread-heel sandwich for lunch.
90
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Are you really this angry about this?
91
00:03:16,713 --> 00:03:18,679
Yeah. It's kind of a big deal.
That's all.
92
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:20,559
Okay, how about I split
the 80 bucks with you?
93
00:03:20,583 --> 00:03:23,451
[Laughs] That ship has sailed, Mike.
94
00:03:23,553 --> 00:03:25,531
But I'm sure if you saw that
ship coming down the street,
95
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you'd flag it down
and ask it to fix your plumbing!
96
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Hi, Bill.
97
00:03:28,825 --> 00:03:30,758
Hey, Frankie. How are you?
Nice... Nice top.
98
00:03:33,563 --> 00:03:35,530
[Sighs] You're not gonna believe this.
99
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,765
Bill's mad I used his plumber.
100
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Really?
101
00:03:38,912 --> 00:03:40,312
"You used my plumber, Mike.
102
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There's a way of doing things, Mike.
103
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Yeah, I'm upset about it.
104
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Yeah. I make a big deal
out of small things. Yeah."
105
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[Bill clears throat]
106
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Oh. Hi.
107
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Like to imitate people, Mike?
I can imitate people, too.
108
00:03:54,251 --> 00:03:55,284
"Hey, I'm Mike Heck.
109
00:03:55,386 --> 00:03:57,185
I like to flag down
other people's plumbers.
110
00:03:57,254 --> 00:03:59,154
I'm too cool for sunglasses."
111
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Hurts, doesn't it?
112
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113
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Mm! I just love picnics.
They're so all-American.
114
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You just make some potato salad,
115
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grab your blanket
out of the oven, and go.
116
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I know, right? Dad doesn't get it.
117
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What's not to get?!
118
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It's like the world
is your television set.
119
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That's what I said!
120
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So, tell me about school.
What's the haps?
121
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:24,613
Well, the bathroom near
my Spanish class went co-ed,
122
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so now I have to rush my poops.
123
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[Groans]
124
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Man: Hi, there.
125
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[Groans]
126
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[Chuckles]
127
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Hey. I'm Hudson. Liam.
128
00:04:35,893 --> 00:04:39,096
Hey. I'm Frankie. This is Sue.
129
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Sue? That's a pretty name.
130
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[Whispering] What's happening?
131
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We're new to Orson. How about you guys?
132
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Oh, no. [Chuckles] We're old-timers.
133
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Well, I'm an older-timer than her.
134
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She's my daughter.
135
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Oh, come on. You must be sisters.
136
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[Laughs] Well,
I did have her very young.
137
00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:57,800
And I drink a lot of water.
138
00:04:57,868 --> 00:05:00,269
Well, not water, really. Pop.
But that's got water in it.
139
00:05:00,371 --> 00:05:01,270
Anyway...
140
00:05:01,339 --> 00:05:03,005
Hey, let's play some Frisbee.
141
00:05:03,107 --> 00:05:05,507
Yeah! Let's get some cardio going.
142
00:05:06,777 --> 00:05:08,255
[Whispering]
Do they expect us to play?
143
00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:09,623
I really don't understand
what's happening.
144
00:05:09,647 --> 00:05:10,916
[Whispering] I don't, either.
145
00:05:10,990 --> 00:05:12,390
Well, you're the mom! Do something!
146
00:05:12,425 --> 00:05:15,760
Don't be shy, ladies.
You can't play sitting.
147
00:05:15,795 --> 00:05:19,130
Oh, I don't know. There's
mayonnaise on our sandwiches.
148
00:05:19,232 --> 00:05:20,398
[Chuckles] That's true.
149
00:05:20,467 --> 00:05:22,300
Uh, she doesn't lie. Moms don't lie.
150
00:05:25,305 --> 00:05:26,471
Let me show you something.
151
00:05:26,573 --> 00:05:27,653
You'll get a much better...
152
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[Gasps] Okay, you know what?
153
00:05:29,302 --> 00:05:30,646
We're just trying to enjoy our thing,
154
00:05:30,670 --> 00:05:32,247
and for you to come
and sit on our blanket,
155
00:05:32,271 --> 00:05:33,537
that... that's just weird.
156
00:05:33,606 --> 00:05:36,073
Next time, just bring
your own blanket and sit on it.
157
00:05:36,175 --> 00:05:38,209
I-I don't mean that
in a "Happy Days" way.
158
00:05:38,277 --> 00:05:39,310
Not like, "Sit on it!"
159
00:05:39,412 --> 00:05:42,513
Just... sit on your own blanket.
160
00:05:42,615 --> 00:05:45,116
I'm trying to be polite but firm.
161
00:05:45,151 --> 00:05:46,884
We thought you were part of the group.
162
00:05:47,732 --> 00:05:49,166
What group?
163
00:05:49,452 --> 00:05:50,955
The singles event.
164
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[Laughs nervously]
165
00:05:55,061 --> 00:05:57,128
Oh, well, that's
much less inappropriate, then.
166
00:05:57,196 --> 00:05:58,529
Ohh.
167
00:05:58,631 --> 00:06:00,197
Uh...
168
00:06:00,266 --> 00:06:04,435
Please accept this frosting
as a little "my bad" gift.
169
00:06:04,504 --> 00:06:09,740
[Chuckles] And we will just
scooch our blanket out of range.
170
00:06:09,842 --> 00:06:11,609
Okay. Good luck.
171
00:06:11,711 --> 00:06:14,411
172
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,094
Ugh! This weekend's gonna suck!
173
00:06:17,119 --> 00:06:18,730
I'm gonna have to
take Brick to the museum
174
00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:21,321
and the library and a bunch
of other nerd-tractions.
175
00:06:21,783 --> 00:06:23,263
Is he gonna want to read stuff to me?
176
00:06:23,318 --> 00:06:24,684
'Cause I don't like being read to.
177
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:27,420
Look, I couldn't say no.
The kid worships me, man.
178
00:06:27,489 --> 00:06:29,366
I mean, I'm, like, the only
cool person in the family.
179
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,202
And after this weekend,
he's got to go back there.
180
00:06:31,226 --> 00:06:32,291
It's sad.
181
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:33,804
It's like when Tarzan
got to meet fancy people
182
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,003
that eat with forks, and then he had to
183
00:06:36,072 --> 00:06:37,895
go back to the jungle
and live with the apes.
184
00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:39,410
Yeah, but Tarzan wanted
to go back to the jungle,
185
00:06:39,434 --> 00:06:41,033
so the apes are the cool ones.
186
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:42,491
Well, then, I'm the apes.
187
00:06:42,593 --> 00:06:44,059
Either way, I should send him home
188
00:06:44,128 --> 00:06:46,261
with some of my old hair product
as a parting gift.
189
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:47,262
[Knock on door]
190
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:48,697
Ugh!
191
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,435
All right, Brick,
Kenny's at a convention,
192
00:06:53,537 --> 00:06:57,773
so you can sleep
in his chair/bed and/or table.
193
00:06:57,842 --> 00:06:59,508
And, uh, first up on the dork tour...
194
00:06:59,577 --> 00:07:01,977
I heard the science library's
doing something sciency.
195
00:07:02,079 --> 00:07:04,113
Oh, I'm not here for libraries.
196
00:07:04,181 --> 00:07:07,015
I am here to par-tay.
197
00:07:07,118 --> 00:07:09,218
198
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:16,751
Listen to this.
199
00:07:16,786 --> 00:07:19,453
So, I'm at the hardware store
just now. I see Bill.
200
00:07:19,555 --> 00:07:20,921
He didn't even wave at me.
201
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,059
Did you wave to him?
202
00:07:25,128 --> 00:07:26,694
No. I don't wave at him.
203
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,855
It's... not our relationship.
204
00:07:28,924 --> 00:07:31,825
Oh, great. Now I'm calling
what we have a relationship.
205
00:07:31,893 --> 00:07:33,971
Now I'm calling it "what we
have." What's happening?!
206
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,595
What do you mean, you don't wave to him?
207
00:07:35,630 --> 00:07:37,464
He waves, then I nod. That's what we do.
208
00:07:37,566 --> 00:07:38,698
So did you nod?
209
00:07:38,767 --> 00:07:41,067
No, I didn't nod...
because he didn't wave.
210
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,268
He waves, I nod.
211
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,239
He failed to initiate
the sequence, not me.
212
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,663
Seems complicated.
213
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:48,466
I think we're in a fight...
only, it's kind of a girly one.
214
00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:50,575
And I'm not too thrilled
with Ron Donahue, either...
215
00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:51,936
clucking like a hen, telling Bill
216
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,838
he saw his plumber coming over to me.
217
00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:55,807
Yep. You're in a girly fight.
218
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,542
[Cellphone chimes]
219
00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:58,810
Who's Hudson?
220
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:00,957
And why are you in a picture
playing Frisbee with him?
221
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,159
And what's it mean, "Let me know
if your status changes"?
222
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:05,516
[Laughing] Oh, my God. Aah!
223
00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:06,718
Sue, come here!
224
00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:08,286
[Laughs]
225
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,887
Look, look, look.
226
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,489
[Laughs] Oh, my God.
227
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:12,857
Look at that.
228
00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:16,198
Okay. Somebody picked us up
at our picnic yesterday.
229
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:18,153
Yeah. Somebody still wants to hit this.
230
00:08:18,222 --> 00:08:19,666
And I wasn't even wearing
those underpants.
231
00:08:19,690 --> 00:08:20,990
Boop, boop, boop!
232
00:08:21,058 --> 00:08:22,358
Hitting my thigh.
233
00:08:22,426 --> 00:08:24,760
And if I'm not waving,
I'm sure not dancing.
234
00:08:24,862 --> 00:08:26,473
Things happen
when you leave the house, Mike.
235
00:08:26,497 --> 00:08:28,097
It's called life!
236
00:08:28,199 --> 00:08:30,933
Hey, that Liam was really cute.
Maybe he'll text you.
237
00:08:31,002 --> 00:08:32,768
I don't know.
I kind of like someone else.
238
00:08:32,870 --> 00:08:33,736
[Gasps]
239
00:08:33,838 --> 00:08:35,270
You do?!
240
00:08:37,375 --> 00:08:39,475
Shut the door. Let's dish.
241
00:08:39,577 --> 00:08:42,044
So, who do you like?
242
00:08:42,146 --> 00:08:44,019
What's his name? Where's he from?
243
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,440
Is he short? Is he tall?
244
00:08:45,509 --> 00:08:47,120
Is he too tall? There's
such a thing as too tall.
245
00:08:47,144 --> 00:08:48,576
Look, Mom, I don't even have
246
00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,578
any reason to believe that he likes me,
247
00:08:50,647 --> 00:08:52,714
so I don't really want to talk about it.
248
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,450
You know what I'm hearing?
249
00:08:55,519 --> 00:08:58,153
That you want to tell me
but you're afraid to.
250
00:08:58,221 --> 00:08:59,499
That's not what I'm saying at all.
251
00:08:59,523 --> 00:09:01,034
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
tell me, tickle, tell me!
252
00:09:01,058 --> 00:09:03,391
Aah! Aah! Aah! Mom! Stop! Stop! Stop!
253
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,327
Okay. You don't have to tell me.
254
00:09:05,395 --> 00:09:06,395
I'll just guess.
255
00:09:06,430 --> 00:09:07,590
I'll go through the alphabet.
256
00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:09,531
Ah, aah... Arnie?
257
00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:10,732
Buh, buh... Brian?
258
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:13,201
Cah? Duh? Eh? Fruh? Guh?
259
00:09:13,270 --> 00:09:15,238
[Gasps] You blinked on Guh.
260
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:16,329
It's not Guh.
261
00:09:16,398 --> 00:09:17,398
Then why did you blink?
262
00:09:17,499 --> 00:09:18,499
Because I had to blink.
263
00:09:18,566 --> 00:09:19,566
Greg? Guy?
264
00:09:19,634 --> 00:09:20,867
Gui? Ooh! Is he French?
265
00:09:20,969 --> 00:09:22,035
Mom, cut it out!
266
00:09:22,137 --> 00:09:23,603
And please don't tickle me again.
267
00:09:23,672 --> 00:09:26,039
I have to pee a little, and I
really like this comforter.
268
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:28,251
Sue, you tell me everything.
269
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,142
You can't just cut me off cold turkey.
270
00:09:30,211 --> 00:09:32,978
Just give Mama a little taste,
and then I will be on my way.
271
00:09:33,047 --> 00:09:35,214
I need you to respect my privacy here.
272
00:09:35,316 --> 00:09:36,115
[Sighs]
273
00:09:36,217 --> 00:09:37,350
It's personal, Mom.
274
00:09:37,385 --> 00:09:39,385
I know you can understand that. Hmm?
275
00:09:39,487 --> 00:09:42,188
Yeah. Okay. Sure.
276
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,489
Okay.
277
00:09:45,159 --> 00:09:47,560
[Deep voice]
Hey. Is the nosy mom gone?
278
00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:49,995
It's just the two of us now.
You can tell me.
279
00:09:50,064 --> 00:09:51,909
[Normal voice] Huh? Used to
work when you were little.
280
00:09:51,933 --> 00:09:53,777
I thought I'd give it a try.
281
00:09:55,036 --> 00:09:56,402
Door open or closed?
282
00:09:56,504 --> 00:09:57,754
Okay, closed.
283
00:09:57,856 --> 00:09:59,605
284
00:09:59,674 --> 00:10:01,807
[Rock music plays,
indistinct conversations]
285
00:10:01,909 --> 00:10:03,442
Hey, man, have you seen Brick?
286
00:10:03,511 --> 00:10:06,560
I... can't find him anywhere.
287
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:07,648
Oh, he's fine.
288
00:10:07,749 --> 00:10:09,148
I saw him doing a Scottish rap.
289
00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:11,184
Now he's in the back,
talking to some people.
290
00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:12,251
Wha...
291
00:10:12,353 --> 00:10:13,986
So, the whole joke
rests upon the premise
292
00:10:14,088 --> 00:10:15,555
that the guy's mother is ugly enough
293
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:16,956
to be confused with a zoo animal
294
00:10:17,058 --> 00:10:19,058
and that if she had a ticket
to get out of the zoo,
295
00:10:19,093 --> 00:10:20,259
they would just let her out!
296
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,597
If the mother looks like
an animal in the first place,
297
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,066
she wouldn't need a ticket to get in.
298
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,068
They'd just shoot her with an
elephant gun and stick her in a cage.
299
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:28,593
Thank you! [Scoffs]
300
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:30,762
Hey, Axl, great party. Uh, I just want...
301
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,263
Hi, Danna. Just one... one second.
302
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:33,231
Oh.
303
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,566
[Grunts]
304
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,168
Want to get rid of everybody? Tired?
305
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:39,470
What's your bedtime now? 7:00? 8:00?
306
00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:41,406
You keep forgetting
I'm not a kid anymore.
307
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:42,508
I've got a girlfriend.
308
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,467
I've pulled a prank with my mom and dad.
309
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,294
You don't think I can par-tay?
310
00:10:46,363 --> 00:10:48,864
[Scoffs] I can par-tay har-tay.
311
00:10:48,932 --> 00:10:51,333
Don't say "par-tay." Or "har-tay."
312
00:10:51,435 --> 00:10:52,579
Also "membrane." It skeeves me.
313
00:10:52,603 --> 00:10:53,913
It's the reason I'm not a doctor.
314
00:10:53,937 --> 00:10:56,738
I actually think we can
liven things up a little here.
315
00:10:56,807 --> 00:10:58,774
Might be time to crank the Como.
316
00:10:58,876 --> 00:11:00,242
What?! No!
317
00:11:00,310 --> 00:11:01,977
Drugs are not cool! Stay in school!
318
00:11:02,046 --> 00:11:04,212
I'm talking about Perry Como.
319
00:11:04,281 --> 00:11:06,825
Perry Como, Crystal Meth...
320
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,819
giving them first names
doesn't take away the danger!
321
00:11:08,843 --> 00:11:10,043
What is happening to you?!
322
00:11:10,111 --> 00:11:12,178
Didn't you ever listen
to Aunt Edie's old records?
323
00:11:12,247 --> 00:11:13,846
- God, no!
- Are you kidding me?
324
00:11:13,915 --> 00:11:17,016
Henry Mancini, Andy Williams...
325
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:19,085
That's a boss bunch of cats
in that collection.
326
00:11:19,154 --> 00:11:21,921
And Perry Como is
the bossest of them all.
327
00:11:21,957 --> 00:11:23,923
He'd really give this party
the kick it needs.
328
00:11:23,992 --> 00:11:25,892
[Perry Como's "Papa Loves
Mambo" plays] Yeah!
329
00:11:25,994 --> 00:11:27,460
That's what I'm talking about.
330
00:11:27,529 --> 00:11:29,596
Just try and not move. You can't.
331
00:11:29,698 --> 00:11:32,599
Papa loves mambo
332
00:11:32,701 --> 00:11:33,866
Mama loves mambo
333
00:11:33,969 --> 00:11:35,902
This is not how I thought
the party was gonna go,
334
00:11:36,004 --> 00:11:37,070
but I'm not mad at it.
335
00:11:37,172 --> 00:11:40,073
Papa loves mambo
336
00:11:40,175 --> 00:11:43,176
Mama loves mambo
337
00:11:43,278 --> 00:11:46,145
Havin' their fling again,
younger than spring again
338
00:11:46,248 --> 00:11:48,373
Feelin' that zing again, wow
339
00:11:48,398 --> 00:11:49,398
Hunh!
340
00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:52,802
[Sporting even plays on TV]
341
00:11:52,871 --> 00:11:54,581
What is wrong with you?
342
00:11:54,606 --> 00:11:56,840
Can you tell me quietly? The TV's on.
343
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,490
I just got off the phone with Paula.
344
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,117
She said Bill is beside himself.
345
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:01,685
You ran over his oranges?
346
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:02,920
I was just driving.
347
00:12:02,955 --> 00:12:04,500
He's the one that lost control
of his oranges.
348
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:05,956
Well, Paula said that Bill said
349
00:12:06,025 --> 00:12:07,758
you intentionally drove over his oranges
350
00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:10,428
and you gave an evil smile
while you were doing it.
351
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:12,475
I didn't give an evil smile.
352
00:12:12,577 --> 00:12:13,756
You're giving one right now.
353
00:12:13,825 --> 00:12:15,846
He is really mad at you, Mike.
354
00:12:15,871 --> 00:12:17,837
That's his problem. I got no problem.
355
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,561
Oh, you got a big problem, buddy.
356
00:12:19,630 --> 00:12:20,996
We don't have so many friends
357
00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:23,198
that we can just let them go
willy-nilly.
358
00:12:23,267 --> 00:12:25,434
You think the Donahues
are gonna take our side on this?
359
00:12:25,469 --> 00:12:28,237
They're all we've got.
And we do nothing for them.
360
00:12:28,306 --> 00:12:29,471
We're like the little birds
361
00:12:29,507 --> 00:12:31,307
on the back of a hippo
picking the bugs off,
362
00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:33,676
and you are really
messing with that now.
363
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,494
Why are you in such a bad mood?
364
00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:37,589
[Sighs] I'm losing Sue.
365
00:12:37,691 --> 00:12:38,764
What?
366
00:12:38,832 --> 00:12:40,158
She won't tell me who she likes.
367
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,403
She won't even tickle-tell me.
368
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,504
She used to tell me everything,
369
00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:43,973
and now she doesn't
want my advice at all.
370
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,808
Well, that's not your problem.
That's her problem.
371
00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:47,598
You're making her problem your problem.
372
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:48,700
That's your problem.
373
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,334
[Scoffs]
374
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:51,769
You're my problem.
375
00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:54,238
376
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,908
[Mid-tempo music plays]
377
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:04,181
- All right, Brick.
- [Music stops]
378
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,283
I need to sleep.
379
00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:06,450
Me too. I'm really tired.
380
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:08,474
So I don't need no one to read to me.
381
00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:09,962
Sleep? [Scoffs]
382
00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:11,831
Is this college or a nursing home?
383
00:13:11,933 --> 00:13:13,699
Come on! Let's go do something!
384
00:13:13,801 --> 00:13:15,167
Let's Saran Wrap someone's room.
385
00:13:15,236 --> 00:13:16,911
Let's do the walk of shame!
386
00:13:16,936 --> 00:13:18,524
Yeah, that doesn't mean
what you think it does.
387
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:19,781
Let's pull an all-nighter!
388
00:13:19,850 --> 00:13:21,716
That just means
staying up all night studying.
389
00:13:21,785 --> 00:13:23,685
Come on! I'm up for anything!
390
00:13:23,787 --> 00:13:26,321
[Chuckles] I'm at college, man.
391
00:13:26,356 --> 00:13:28,256
I want to bite into
the grapefruit of life
392
00:13:28,325 --> 00:13:29,991
and let the juices drip down my chin,
393
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:31,926
and then immediately
put on hydrocortisone
394
00:13:31,995 --> 00:13:33,361
because I'm prone to eczema.
395
00:13:33,430 --> 00:13:36,631
I'm tired! I just want to sleep.
It's 2:00 a.m.!
396
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:38,543
Hey, it's 5:00 somewhere.
397
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:40,034
Mnh-mnh... that's something else
398
00:13:40,059 --> 00:13:41,214
that doesn't mean
what you think it does.
399
00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:42,370
Axl, this is my last chance
400
00:13:42,472 --> 00:13:44,706
to spend time with you at college.
401
00:13:44,808 --> 00:13:45,974
Please!
402
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:48,443
Ugh! Why do you idolize me so much?
403
00:13:48,545 --> 00:13:49,878
Why am I so amazing?
404
00:13:49,946 --> 00:13:51,045
All right. Fine.
405
00:13:51,114 --> 00:13:53,114
The agricultural students
usually have something
406
00:13:53,216 --> 00:13:55,643
going on in one of their birthing barns.
407
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:58,502
It's like a party in a barn.
It's called a barty.
408
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:01,505
You're on me for "par-tay,"
but "barty" is okay?
409
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:02,907
I didn't name it, Brick.
410
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:05,009
Ehh.
411
00:14:05,077 --> 00:14:06,544
412
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:09,265
Hey, there. Who you texting?
413
00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:10,474
Just Lexie.
414
00:14:10,508 --> 00:14:12,119
I'm letting her know
I'm gonna take a shower,
415
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,654
and then I'll leave here
in about an hour,
416
00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:15,389
and then she'll know
I'll be there in 46 minutes...
417
00:14:15,413 --> 00:14:16,512
42 minutes to get there
418
00:14:16,581 --> 00:14:18,025
and then a four-minute window
for extra padding,
419
00:14:18,049 --> 00:14:20,009
and then if I'm not there,
she'll call the police.
420
00:14:21,586 --> 00:14:23,853
421
00:14:27,425 --> 00:14:28,758
[Dish clanks]
422
00:14:30,428 --> 00:14:32,562
Frankie: I know it's wrong,
but they say if you notice
423
00:14:32,631 --> 00:14:34,163
any behavioral changes in your child,
424
00:14:34,232 --> 00:14:36,733
it's your duty as a mother to snoop.
425
00:14:36,801 --> 00:14:38,668
Now, what was her password?
426
00:14:38,737 --> 00:14:40,803
"GirlsRock."
427
00:14:40,872 --> 00:14:42,605
[Buzzer] Shoot!
428
00:14:42,641 --> 00:14:43,806
I'm doing this for her.
429
00:14:43,875 --> 00:14:46,209
This is my baby, my little princess.
430
00:14:46,278 --> 00:14:48,946
"Princess." Ooh! Okay.
431
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:50,604
Uh... Belle?
432
00:14:50,706 --> 00:14:51,706
[Buzzer]
433
00:14:51,741 --> 00:14:53,374
[Groans] Crap!
434
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,708
Ariel?
435
00:14:54,744 --> 00:14:56,343
[Buzzer] Crap!
436
00:14:56,445 --> 00:14:58,045
What's the name of that Indian one?
437
00:14:58,114 --> 00:14:59,513
I mean, Native American one.
438
00:14:59,582 --> 00:15:02,149
I don't really need to be
politically correct in my head,
439
00:15:02,218 --> 00:15:03,613
but it's nice that I am.
440
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,947
And I just did that automatically
441
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:06,011
without thinking about it.
442
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,512
That proves I'm a really nice person
443
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,807
and was not just pretending to be.
444
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:11,308
I wish I had more black friends.
445
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,477
Pocahontas!
446
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,312
[Buzzer] Damn it!
447
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:16,947
[Clank]
448
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,678
So, what's next on our agenda?
449
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:25,481
Oh, my God! There's nothing left!
450
00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,250
We spit off the clock tower,
451
00:15:27,318 --> 00:15:29,919
we got in a tater tot fight
in the cafeteria,
452
00:15:29,954 --> 00:15:32,822
we partied with farmers,
we watched a lamb get born.
453
00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:34,524
I'm just gonna lay my face down
454
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,092
on this pancake like a pillow.
455
00:15:36,194 --> 00:15:38,272
Ooh! [Snaps fingers]
Wait a minute. Pancake pillow.
456
00:15:38,296 --> 00:15:40,029
Write that down. We're gonna be rich.
457
00:15:40,098 --> 00:15:41,130
[Splat]
458
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,965
Ahh.
459
00:15:43,034 --> 00:15:45,848
You know, Axl, I want to thank you.
460
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:48,154
You really showed me a great time.
461
00:15:48,222 --> 00:15:50,790
Yeah, you know, it turned out
to be more fun than I thought.
462
00:15:52,460 --> 00:15:54,527
Oh, hey! Look at this.
463
00:15:54,629 --> 00:15:56,061
Eat while you sleep.
464
00:15:56,097 --> 00:15:57,741
Now we just got to use science
to figure out
465
00:15:57,765 --> 00:15:59,676
how big a pancake to cover
a typical night's sleep.
466
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:01,000
What is that... like, 13 hours?
467
00:16:01,102 --> 00:16:01,967
[Laughs]
468
00:16:02,069 --> 00:16:03,536
[Door opens, bells jingle]
469
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,216
Hey, there's that girl
from the party last night
470
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:07,306
who likes you.
471
00:16:07,408 --> 00:16:08,408
Wha...?
472
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,209
Oh. Danna? Nah.
473
00:16:10,278 --> 00:16:12,055
She's just a friend.
I don't think she likes me.
474
00:16:12,079 --> 00:16:13,712
Axl, she couldn't have been
more obvious.
475
00:16:13,781 --> 00:16:16,087
She kept wanting to talk to you,
476
00:16:16,229 --> 00:16:17,962
she kept dancing next to you.
477
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,739
I'm not even good
at picking up social cues,
478
00:16:19,821 --> 00:16:20,954
and I got it.
479
00:16:20,989 --> 00:16:22,366
All right, look,
I just broke up with April.
480
00:16:22,390 --> 00:16:23,734
And then Devin and Cassidy showed up.
481
00:16:23,758 --> 00:16:26,459
The universe is telling me
to just hold off for now.
482
00:16:26,494 --> 00:16:28,072
You know, maybe I just
got to hang out with my bros.
483
00:16:28,096 --> 00:16:29,207
- And my bro.
- [Snaps fingers]
484
00:16:29,231 --> 00:16:31,164
Well, if you're not ready,
you're not ready.
485
00:16:31,233 --> 00:16:33,032
But let me share
a little story with you.
486
00:16:33,101 --> 00:16:35,034
There's a secondhand shop near school
487
00:16:35,103 --> 00:16:37,655
that I used to go to every day,
488
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,663
and they had this zebra bookmark...
489
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,999
Write down "syrup pocket."
I'll know what it means.
490
00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:43,834
Sorry. Continue.
491
00:16:44,323 --> 00:16:47,324
Every time I'd go in the shop,
I'd feel the bookmark.
492
00:16:47,349 --> 00:16:48,515
I loved it.
493
00:16:48,654 --> 00:16:50,821
The contrast
between the black and white,
494
00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:52,743
the touch of the synthetic hair.
495
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,311
And every day, I'd say,
496
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:56,814
"Tomorrow, I'm gonna
come back and buy it."
497
00:16:56,882 --> 00:17:00,184
But then I went in there
one day, and it was gone.
498
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:01,819
If this is your super-not-subtle way
499
00:17:01,887 --> 00:17:04,088
of asking me to buy you
a bookmark, it's not working.
500
00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:05,990
Uh, I guess the analogy is clearer to me
501
00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:08,259
because I like my women
like I like my bookmarks...
502
00:17:08,327 --> 00:17:09,159
long and skinny.
503
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,096
You've seen Cindy. Growl!
504
00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:14,411
I'm uncomfortable.
505
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,642
What I'm saying is,
506
00:17:16,710 --> 00:17:19,011
go out and get yourself a bookmark.
507
00:17:20,481 --> 00:17:21,792
- But I don't want a bookmar...
- [Bangs table]
508
00:17:21,816 --> 00:17:23,693
"Bookmarks" equals "girls"!
I'm talking about girls!
509
00:17:23,717 --> 00:17:25,217
Go get one before it's too late!
510
00:17:25,319 --> 00:17:26,385
What are you waiting for?!
511
00:17:26,453 --> 00:17:27,853
Huh.
512
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:29,154
It's either my lack of sleep
513
00:17:29,223 --> 00:17:31,190
or you're starting to
make some sense here, Brick.
514
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:33,025
You know, Brick,
you're really growing up.
515
00:17:33,127 --> 00:17:34,259
I mean, we both are.
516
00:17:34,361 --> 00:17:35,294
We're men.
517
00:17:35,362 --> 00:17:37,342
We're Heck men.
518
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,657
It's up to us to carry on the Heck name.
519
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:41,826
Yeah. I guess it is.
520
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,627
So, now I'm gonna take your advice.
521
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,729
I'm gonna go get me a bookmark...
522
00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,164
the girl kind.
523
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:49,700
524
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,039
[Door opens, bells jingle]
525
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:59,510
It's so weird. I could've sworn
I put it down on the counter.
526
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:00,744
No, I don't think you did.
527
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,191
I'm pretty sure
you put it over on the table.
528
00:18:06,558 --> 00:18:08,658
529
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,472
[Gasps]
530
00:18:17,813 --> 00:18:19,746
Well... I guess it's probably
531
00:18:19,815 --> 00:18:22,149
as good a time as any to tell you...
532
00:18:22,218 --> 00:18:23,383
I got you a new phone.
533
00:18:23,486 --> 00:18:24,685
You did? Why?
534
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:26,954
'Cause I love you,
and it's my right to spoil you.
535
00:18:27,056 --> 00:18:29,156
And there ain't nothin'
you can do about it.
536
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,924
This is Brick's phone. No, it's not.
537
00:18:30,993 --> 00:18:33,126
Then why is Cindy's number
in here? And Troy's?
538
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:36,345
And the Orson Library
and the Jasper Library
539
00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:37,873
and the Library of Congress?
540
00:18:37,975 --> 00:18:40,175
Okay, fine. It's Brick's phone.
541
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:43,045
I was trying to break in to
your phone to see who you liked,
542
00:18:43,147 --> 00:18:44,746
and I dropped it and cracked it.
543
00:18:44,815 --> 00:18:46,181
[Gasps]
544
00:18:46,216 --> 00:18:48,884
But... And yes, I-I realize
that makes me a crazy person.
545
00:18:48,952 --> 00:18:51,653
But if you lived through
what I lived through with you,
546
00:18:51,722 --> 00:18:53,244
you would understand.
547
00:18:53,269 --> 00:18:54,769
Like, when you were in kindergarten,
548
00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:56,882
we had a special arrangement
with the nurse's office
549
00:18:56,944 --> 00:18:58,510
so you could call me every day at 10:00
550
00:18:58,612 --> 00:19:00,178
because you missed me so much.
551
00:19:00,247 --> 00:19:03,181
And you would only be
in Brownies if I was the leader.
552
00:19:03,250 --> 00:19:05,250
And people would tell me,
"Oh, girls are great
553
00:19:05,319 --> 00:19:07,652
when they're little,
but wait till she's a teenager."
554
00:19:07,721 --> 00:19:09,054
And then you were a teenager,
555
00:19:09,122 --> 00:19:11,323
and you were just as delightful,
556
00:19:11,391 --> 00:19:14,104
and I thought, "We are gonna be
best friends forever."
557
00:19:14,173 --> 00:19:15,794
And now...
558
00:19:15,829 --> 00:19:16,829
Come here, Mom.
559
00:19:16,930 --> 00:19:18,797
No. No! You don't want me.
560
00:19:18,899 --> 00:19:20,265
Yes, I do.
561
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:22,100
562
00:19:24,037 --> 00:19:26,972
Mom, I love you.
563
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,327
And I understand why you want to know,
564
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:33,161
but I'm not sure if he likes me,
565
00:19:33,230 --> 00:19:35,464
and I'm not sure
how much I really like him.
566
00:19:35,532 --> 00:19:37,032
So for right now,
567
00:19:37,101 --> 00:19:39,534
this is just a fun thing
for me to think about.
568
00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:41,003
But when I'm ready,
569
00:19:41,105 --> 00:19:44,139
you will be the first person
I come to to talk about it.
570
00:19:44,241 --> 00:19:46,108
Aww!
571
00:19:46,210 --> 00:19:47,509
Before Lexie? Before Dad?
572
00:19:47,611 --> 00:19:49,011
Obviously before Dad.
573
00:19:49,113 --> 00:19:51,580
Oh, and, by the way,
my password is "SueHeckWins."
574
00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:53,159
You might need it
in case there's an emergency
575
00:19:53,183 --> 00:19:54,294
and you need to call the police.
576
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:55,651
[Gasps] Oh, shoot! Lexie!
577
00:19:55,719 --> 00:19:57,719
[Knock on door]
578
00:19:57,821 --> 00:19:59,421
[Knock on door]
579
00:19:59,523 --> 00:20:01,490
580
00:20:10,934 --> 00:20:11,833
Wow.
581
00:20:11,935 --> 00:20:13,602
You really need to brush your teeth.
582
00:20:13,704 --> 00:20:14,803
Oh, God.
583
00:20:17,608 --> 00:20:19,374
I don't care.
584
00:20:19,476 --> 00:20:20,208
Hunh!
585
00:20:20,310 --> 00:20:21,743
Papa loves mambo
586
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:23,178
Papa loves mambo
587
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,746
Mama loves mambo
588
00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:26,281
Mama loves mambo
589
00:20:26,383 --> 00:20:29,051
Papa does great with it,
swings like a gate with it
590
00:20:29,153 --> 00:20:31,474
He loses weight with it, now
591
00:20:31,679 --> 00:20:32,727
Hunh!
592
00:20:32,890 --> 00:20:35,757
593
00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:39,644
594
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,207
[Sighs]
595
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,763
What's the problem?
596
00:20:49,898 --> 00:20:51,331
Battery's dead.
597
00:20:52,301 --> 00:20:54,134
Need a jump? I got cables.
598
00:20:55,537 --> 00:20:56,837
That'd be great.
599
00:20:56,939 --> 00:20:58,171
[Trunk lid closes]
600
00:20:58,273 --> 00:20:59,773
It's a funny thing about guys.
601
00:20:59,875 --> 00:21:03,610
They don't apologize or hug
or rehash what went wrong.
602
00:21:03,712 --> 00:21:06,079
Guys mend fences the way guys do...
603
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:07,414
with jumper cables.
604
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:08,516
Nice cables.
605
00:21:08,584 --> 00:21:10,750
Thanks. They're 18-footers.
606
00:21:10,853 --> 00:21:13,531
Hey, did you hear the one about the guy
who tried to get into a nice supper club,
607
00:21:13,555 --> 00:21:15,589
but he didn't have a tie,
so he used jumper cables?
608
00:21:15,724 --> 00:21:17,204
The ma?tre d' said, "I'll let you in,
609
00:21:17,259 --> 00:21:19,459
but, uh, don't start anything."
610
00:21:19,561 --> 00:21:20,760
[Chuckles]
611
00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:24,097
Yeah. You don't have to worry
about me poaching that one.
612
00:21:24,199 --> 00:21:25,966
[Chuckles]
613
00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:33,533
Synced and corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
614
00:21:33,583 --> 00:21:38,133
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